I think one of my biggest fears for Ella is that she will be rejected. I would say that this is solely because she is handicapped, but it's not. I had the same fears for myself. Acceptance was and is a big deal to me. I don't like feeling left out of anything or disliked. It drives those around me a little nuts. If I'm left off of an invite list (even accidentally) or if I didn't get a call that people were getting together, I took it very personally. I've come to realize that I do this for Ella as well. She doesn't even notice that she's different, yet I automatically assume that people will reject her for her disabilities. I want so badly to be liked and loved and invited, so I think I make those Ella's desires as well. She didn't care if the gym daycare couldn't accommodate her, she was perfectly happy at home with grandma (or anyone else who wanted to watch her).
I struggle so much with self-image and I don't want to pass those same thoughts and concerns on to my daughter. I want her to be self-assured and to not see herself as different, but beautiful in the eyes of the One who created her. I know that when someone has body-issues no one usually understands, I can say that I have friends who I think are perfect and they still have things they want to work on...we all do (well, except Joe, he does think he's perfect).
Dear Lord,
I pray that my daughter may have a peace that comes from you that only you can give and the world cannot offer her. I pray that her heart is not troubled and that she is never afraid. May she know that she is fearfully and wonderfully made. I pray that she knows full well that your works are wonderful.
Amen
However, my daughter is in her playroom talking to either herself or imaginary friends, so she might be considered weird for totally different reasons than I was!
So much to be thankful for....
It has dawned on me that I have so much to be thankful for. I always take for granted all God has blessed me with in my life. I have really been working on this the past few weeks and it has really hit home the past day or two. In regards to a previous post, I had to take a glucose test to see if I had developed Gestational Diabetes. The results are in and I have developed this condition. At first I was disappointed and then I became very scared. Partly due to all the research I have read about on all that can go wrong with this type of diabetes. So I started praying because I realized that I was quickly loosing my sanity worrying about all that can go wrong. After I calmed down, I spoke again with my doctor and she assured me we had caught it in time and that if I followed a new eating plan and exercise routine that I should have a relatively low risk remainder of my pregnancy. Yes, I'll be monitored more closely and hey... I get more sonograms out of the deal! I'm sure my insurance company is going to love me! Anyway, I am so thankful that I have a great husband who is willing to change his eating habits ( not that he needs to!) to help me, a great family who is always supportive, wonderful friends who are always there to cheer me on and a great doctor and her equally great staff! I am also thankful of all that God has done for me and all that he has promised me. It won't always be a cake-walk, but he will never leave my side and for this I am most thankful!
Blogging
I've been thinking about my blog. My "weblog". Ha...who would have ever thought that I would put my family out there for the whole world to see?! It started with a simple and easy pregnancy, wanting to keep friends and family informed...since Joe's family and friends lived all over the place. Since Ella decided to make a dramatic entry into this world I've been addicted to this way to chronicle our lives. I've noticed lately that it has become more pictures than actual "logging". So, I'm going to try and do equal parts pictures and stories...you may find none of the writing interesting, but it's my blog so I can do whatever I want.
I have to start by saying that I'm listening to my Cary Pierce CD...if you haven't heard of just Cary, then I hope you remember Jackopierce (you would have had to been in college or high school sometime in the 90's). I was first drawn to "Jacko" back in high school. Guys from church would strum the songs on their guitars at camp or just hanging around the church (yeah, okay, not a Christian band, but hey). Funny thing is that years later I ended up meeting Cary...as a local music follower I thought I had reached the pinnacle...don't try telling me otherwise, I still love this music. Through Cary I met a guy named Graham Colton who shortly became my neighbor/friend and now he's a big deal (they always forget the little people when they get famous).
All of this to say that it's amazing how music can take you back to a certain time in life. Just hearing Cary's song on a commercial for the Nasher Sculpture Center made me stop and smile in my living room today...I laughed out loud at the memories. One memory to write about: My roommate Allison and I used to live in the apartments right by the American Airlines Center. One Saturday morning at around 5am we started hearing sound-checks for a marathon they were starting soon. Not long after we hear a familiar voice doing his own sound-check...it was Cary. We ran over from our apartment (literally in tank tops and shorts and flip flops...everyone else was in running gear) and just attended the concert...HAHA. (well it was funny to us)
The same "stop and listen" moment happened as they were kicking someone off of American Idol one night and I heard another familiar voice, Graham. He was playing his new song "Best Days" and I about fell over. He'd finally made it!!! Granted it was just a song in the closing of a show, but it's been huge since then. I can say that I would go and hear G.C. play at Flying Saucer in like 2000. The next 3 years we saw the band in Austin, Oklahoma City, Washington D.C. and the greatest was in NYC for 3 days when we got to go backstage and meet the Counting Crows (that's who Graham was opening for). I thought I had made it to the top in the music world, and at the time that was huge deal to me.
Anyway, just thought I'd take you down music-memory-lane. Thanks for traveling along.
I have to start by saying that I'm listening to my Cary Pierce CD...if you haven't heard of just Cary, then I hope you remember Jackopierce (you would have had to been in college or high school sometime in the 90's). I was first drawn to "Jacko" back in high school. Guys from church would strum the songs on their guitars at camp or just hanging around the church (yeah, okay, not a Christian band, but hey). Funny thing is that years later I ended up meeting Cary...as a local music follower I thought I had reached the pinnacle...don't try telling me otherwise, I still love this music. Through Cary I met a guy named Graham Colton who shortly became my neighbor/friend and now he's a big deal (they always forget the little people when they get famous).
All of this to say that it's amazing how music can take you back to a certain time in life. Just hearing Cary's song on a commercial for the Nasher Sculpture Center made me stop and smile in my living room today...I laughed out loud at the memories. One memory to write about: My roommate Allison and I used to live in the apartments right by the American Airlines Center. One Saturday morning at around 5am we started hearing sound-checks for a marathon they were starting soon. Not long after we hear a familiar voice doing his own sound-check...it was Cary. We ran over from our apartment (literally in tank tops and shorts and flip flops...everyone else was in running gear) and just attended the concert...HAHA. (well it was funny to us)
The same "stop and listen" moment happened as they were kicking someone off of American Idol one night and I heard another familiar voice, Graham. He was playing his new song "Best Days" and I about fell over. He'd finally made it!!! Granted it was just a song in the closing of a show, but it's been huge since then. I can say that I would go and hear G.C. play at Flying Saucer in like 2000. The next 3 years we saw the band in Austin, Oklahoma City, Washington D.C. and the greatest was in NYC for 3 days when we got to go backstage and meet the Counting Crows (that's who Graham was opening for). I thought I had made it to the top in the music world, and at the time that was huge deal to me.
Anyway, just thought I'd take you down music-memory-lane. Thanks for traveling along.
If you know me
stole this from GirlTalk:
I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible.
I don't mind the dust bunnies because ... They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because ... I want every creature to have a home.
I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous
I don't pull weeds in the garden because ... I wouldn't want to mess with God's design.
I don't put things away because ... My husband will never be able to find them again.
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press."
I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.
I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then I'll feel terrible.
I don't mind the dust bunnies because ... They are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
I don't disturb cobwebs because ... I want every creature to have a home.
I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous
I don't pull weeds in the garden because ... I wouldn't want to mess with God's design.
I don't put things away because ... My husband will never be able to find them again.
I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.
I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press."
Tag.... I'm it
So Maddy tagged me with the "What 3 things would you do/learn if you had all the time, money and tools in your hands". Well, here is what I would do:
1). I would learn to swim accurately. I never really took lessons when I was little because I was terrified of the water. So I would really like to learn how to do all the different strokes and be able to practice everyday.
2). I would get back into soccer. I have actually played soccer almost all of my life, but stopped when I moved to Dallas. I just didn't have the time and I know my skills in this sport have greatly decreased.
3). I would get a law degree. I have no desire to practice law, but I have always wanted to obtain the degree and the knowledge that comes with it. If I ever wanted to open my own business, this would come in handy.
So that's what I would do. I tag Sheila, Sara T. and Monkey Toes.
1). I would learn to swim accurately. I never really took lessons when I was little because I was terrified of the water. So I would really like to learn how to do all the different strokes and be able to practice everyday.
2). I would get back into soccer. I have actually played soccer almost all of my life, but stopped when I moved to Dallas. I just didn't have the time and I know my skills in this sport have greatly decreased.
3). I would get a law degree. I have no desire to practice law, but I have always wanted to obtain the degree and the knowledge that comes with it. If I ever wanted to open my own business, this would come in handy.
So that's what I would do. I tag Sheila, Sara T. and Monkey Toes.
i.
I copied this idea from Liz:
i am: watching LOST
i think: about the future a lot
i know: that my daughter is a blessing
i want: Ella to be a typical 2 year old, tantrums and all
i have: the most incredible husband and family
i wish: that my children would never know pain, but know the Lord intimately
i hate: housework
i miss: my grandparents
i fear: taking physical care of Ella for the rest of my life
i feel: tired
i hear: the television and William snoring in Joe's arms
i smell: the after aroma of dinner
i crave: the brownies in the fridge
i search: for ways to decorate my house
i wonder: when Ella will walk...I wonder this every day
i regret: so many things, but lately I regret friendships I've let slip away
i love: the way Ella lays on me in the morning when she's still half asleep and watching my husband take care of my children
i ache: for my daughter
i care: about making everyone feel included
i always: think I'm not good enough
i am not: good with change
i believe: that Jesus Christ is the son of God and died for my sin and I will reside in Heaven with my Savior for eternity
i dance: in the car while the music plays...oh and with my husband
i sing: all the time, but I try not to let anyone hear, even Ella cries when I sing
i don’t always: go to bed when I should
i fight: with myself more than anyone
i write: in my calendar, every day...and letters to people, in case anything happens to me
i win: rarely
i lose: everything, but Joe is helping me
i never: vacuum
i confuse: myself on which day it is
i listen: to kids make noise ALL DAY LONG
i can usually be found: near my computer
i am scared: of anything happening to the people in my family
i need: my husband
i am happy about: booking our flights to Hawaii for next Christmas (but hoping we go somewhere before then)...oh and super happy about the Women's Retreat this weekend!!!!
I'd love it if you posted this to your blog too (if you have one)
I copied this idea from Liz:
i am: watching LOST
i think: about the future a lot
i know: that my daughter is a blessing
i want: Ella to be a typical 2 year old, tantrums and all
i have: the most incredible husband and family
i wish: that my children would never know pain, but know the Lord intimately
i hate: housework
i miss: my grandparents
i fear: taking physical care of Ella for the rest of my life
i feel: tired
i hear: the television and William snoring in Joe's arms
i smell: the after aroma of dinner
i crave: the brownies in the fridge
i search: for ways to decorate my house
i wonder: when Ella will walk...I wonder this every day
i regret: so many things, but lately I regret friendships I've let slip away
i love: the way Ella lays on me in the morning when she's still half asleep and watching my husband take care of my children
i ache: for my daughter
i care: about making everyone feel included
i always: think I'm not good enough
i am not: good with change
i believe: that Jesus Christ is the son of God and died for my sin and I will reside in Heaven with my Savior for eternity
i dance: in the car while the music plays...oh and with my husband
i sing: all the time, but I try not to let anyone hear, even Ella cries when I sing
i don’t always: go to bed when I should
i fight: with myself more than anyone
i write: in my calendar, every day...and letters to people, in case anything happens to me
i win: rarely
i lose: everything, but Joe is helping me
i never: vacuum
i confuse: myself on which day it is
i listen: to kids make noise ALL DAY LONG
i can usually be found: near my computer
i am scared: of anything happening to the people in my family
i need: my husband
i am happy about: booking our flights to Hawaii for next Christmas (but hoping we go somewhere before then)...oh and super happy about the Women's Retreat this weekend!!!!
I'd love it if you posted this to your blog too (if you have one)
Not as bad as I thought....
So yesterday morning I went in for my 3 hour glucose testing. I thought it was going to be horrible because you have to stop eating anything by 10:00 pm the night before the test and you can't eat anything until after the test is over (which was 11:50 AM for me). For those of you who REALLY know me I get cranky when I get hungry. I can handle being tired, but hungry is a different story all together. My evil twin comes out and I can't control her!!!
I had a rough patch that first hour of waiting, but after that I was okay. I kept busy reading and talking on my cell phone to people. I think the hardest thing for me was the fact that they had to draw all four blood samples from my left arm because my right arm is a super hard stick. So now my left arm is killing me and I have a huge bruise!
Please keep up the prayers that the test comes back negative for gestational diabetes. I know a lot of pregnant women develop this condition and I know it can be managed with diet and exercise, but this would be one more thing stressing me out and my blood pressure is high enough as it is!
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
I had a rough patch that first hour of waiting, but after that I was okay. I kept busy reading and talking on my cell phone to people. I think the hardest thing for me was the fact that they had to draw all four blood samples from my left arm because my right arm is a super hard stick. So now my left arm is killing me and I have a huge bruise!
Please keep up the prayers that the test comes back negative for gestational diabetes. I know a lot of pregnant women develop this condition and I know it can be managed with diet and exercise, but this would be one more thing stressing me out and my blood pressure is high enough as it is!
I hope everyone has a great weekend!
Sibling Love
Everyone is asking how Ella feels about Will, I think this shows you EXACTLY how she feels. (Note: I was afraid she was going to bite him so I kept pulling her away, but she never did...she did poke him in the eye once and he freaked, but no major damage was done, that we know of)
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