Ella...and the future

As I start to wrap up this time of Ella's last 3 years, including the rough beginning of her life, I'm reminded about how blessed I am to be Ella's mother. She's mine. She looks like me. She laughs at my jokes. She loves me...and I don't need her to speak the words for me to know it.


(Thank you Katherine Kramer for this picture)




This past weekend we had some great friends in town (more on this later) but they have two daughters (and one on the way). Kaylee will be 7 in July and Reese will be 3 in August (3 months younger than Ella). In some ways it was so difficult to see two healthy and active girls running circles around E, but they were SO sweet to her. Most kids just ignore Ella. She doesn't play with them or do any of the things that they do. I was explaining Ella's gait trainer to Kaylee and how we are teaching her to walk...she asked "Can I take her on a walk tomorrow?" as if it was so easy for her to just walk with Ella around the block, and it made my heart smile. She knew Ella was different and couldn't do the same things, but she didn't put any limitations on her either, I so tend to do that. Reese would hold Ella's hand and play with her, and Ella never protested, I think Reese liked someone who would just LET her play with her, no complaints! Kaylee asked "Why doesn't she play with her Barbie doll?" (Ella has a lot of dolls and toys still in their boxes in her room). I tried to explain to her that Ella doesn't have the same imagination that she does, and when she asked "why?", because all kids do, I tried to explain that when she was born her brain got hurt. She promptly told Ella "I'm sorry your brain hurts". They never left her out. They would always make sure that she was right there. My heart was healed a little this weekend by two little girls. (Picture is of Reese and Ella talking and holding hands after swimming this weekend)


Big News......

I've got some big news... big news for me anyways. After many long drawn out conversations with me and God (and my sweet husband too!), I have decided to resign my job. Actually, I already resigned earlier this morning. It was by far the hardest decision I have made in a long time. When I was younger I never saw myself as a stay at home mom. I worked hard through college and worked even harder at my jobs and I was fortunate to find a career I truly loved (Human Resources) and was good at - my yearly evaluations say so. My life changed in so many ways when Audrey was born. I wrestled with whether or not I should return to work after my maternity leave was over. Returning to work after Audrey was the last hardest decision I have ever made. I did and was always at an unrest. I knew Audrey was safe. I never questioned her safety, but after she turned 6 months I realized I was missing some milestones for her. She would come home and have learned something new. This made me sad. I didn't teach her that. Of course the next morning she would throw a huge fit and I was grateful she was going to daycare! I have always wondered in the back of my head if I made the right decision to return to work. There is only one way to find out.....resign. Which I already did - can you tell a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders?
There are also other factors at play. I have reached the ceiling at my job and there is no growth opportunity for me until my boss resigns (in 10-15 years - sorry, not sticking around that long) and since my new boss came ( about 1 1/2 years ago) I have reverted back to what I was doing when I started in 2004. There is also the distance from the house to work and back again. 33 miles one way in heavy traffic. I just don't have enough time with Audrey. Alot of people have asked me why I don't find a job closer to home. After carefully considering this, I decided that I would still always wrestle if I should stay home or not. This way, I can give my job a good notice (5 weeks), go on vacation, plan Audrey's 1st b-day and then take 2-3 months and give staying home a TRUE shot. If I don't like it...... off to work I go. No harm, no foul!
So that is my big news. Thanks for all the prayers friends!
Oh and to my other SAHM's - we have a pool and I am going to need adult conversation - so come on over!